VEENU IN MY LIFE

 

18.09.1973 ..18.09.2022 - 49 TO 50 – 15.01.1994 TO 18.09.2022

These look like some coordinates in our life…… 

The first one is Veenu as a person and the second is the time period of our journey together.  My first memories about her is regarding a cute looking serious girl who is always busy setting things right, be it a displaced bed sheet or a vessel which is not in its place. Sometimes it is also an unattended light burning in a corner of the house. She never allowed anyone to switch on light and move away from that place!!

She was fondly called as “Sathya Bhaame”, “Elu suttina mallige”,  by my “Amma”, and she herself was one such person and could easily relate herself in the grandchild.  Seethajji was Veenu’s favorite and she frequently visited our house; and of course I am the next pretty charming Cheeni telling her all kinds of imaginary stories.  She would always pester me to tell more and more stories and my stock wouldn’t long last.  I would happily spin a story in a story which she actually believed to be a true story. 

Fooling her was so much fun.  Kitty usually teased her off with geeks on Rajakumar songs and she would run behind him with a ruler in hand; but could never catch him for a beat !!  I was the more decent guy but I pestered her differently. With my strategic carom skills, I made her lose the game.

Probably I had a great liking for this girl and never thought she also had a liking for me till 15011994 from where our journey started together.  Our official married life started on 20021995 and I always get confused about my wedding anniversary date even now.

After very first week of our disclosure of like for each other, we went to Nandi Hills on my Hero Puch.  I was a Hero only from outside and petrol available was just enough to come back.  My purse had just around Rs.30 for expenses !!  In fact, I remember, I switched off the engine while coming down hill, to save petrol. 

This heightened the thrill we already have in eloping without anyone’s knowledge or permission. We suddenly decided to go in the afternoon and spent time on the Hill.  We never knew what to do and just chilled talking something which I don’t really remember.

Next was convincing the parents from both sides about preparation for marriage ceremonies. I wanted a good marriage hall and at a reasonable price. The compromise was that we booked “Shree Dharmasthala Manjunatha Chowltry”at Basavanagudi, for just ONE day whereas the marriage functions usually need at least three days.  Tough time managing the show and Appa and also Akka had to suffer in the process tweaking and speeding up the processes. 

After marriage, it opened up a Pandora’s box as we didn’t really knew each other very well, and we just believed so. It happens in any relation where the intentions are not made known in advance and we tend to assume things.  I had no inclination of her liking and in fact, dissuaded by Akkaji against entertaining any such thoughts in my mind.

 I very well remember the day when we had a discussion with her on this issue, on the steps of Chamarajpet House, when she clearly told her mind to me about consanguine marriages in the family.  That day, I immediately left all my inner thoughts and feelings about Veenu when Akkaji strongly told about her will against our marriage.  Had I knew that Veenu had a different feeling, things would have been quite different.

Things changed with marriage and …also family circumstances. 

Losing mother at the age of 18 and trying to adjust to the new circumstances after Kitty’s marriage made me more serious than before and I looked everything from a logical mind without trying to get emotional.  It’s always my habit to count the pros and cons of every little decision to be taken by me.  I can say that there was a lack of romantic element and I was trying to be more practical than needed.  The expectations were different after marriage. What was seen as a charming nature and strength started becoming troublesome.

Veenu wanted to pursue her musical skills academically and joined MA and later M.Phil music at Bangalore University.  She did her advanced tutelage with stalwarts like Vidwan Nagendra Shastry and I willingly stayed at her beck and call.  I used to take her for musical concerts at Kote Venkataramana temple – Rama Navami Mahotsava and it instantly harnessed my musical inclinations. 

My interactions with music fraternity became a source of inspiration and helped me to appreciate richness of Karnatic musical heritage. I had a chance to accompany her for M.Phil thesis preparation and met stalwarts like Dr.Ra Sa at Mysore and various connected persons in the field.  During three hour long concerts at Rama Navami festival, I also got some beautiful musical insights which made me skillful to enough to recognize many Ragas and the corresponding krithis. 

As the days progressed, there was pressure for a grand-son and we had no clue.  It was almost 5.5 years after marriage and expectations were genuine.  Then came this great news after a detailed checkup that I am going to be a father.  Little Chinmaya landed in our lives with a big bang and life has never been same as before, with his grand arrival !!!!

Welcome back.  Pick up where you left….

This is what happened in real life as well as in this story.

Upon arrival of this little cutey in our lives, we had to leave Bangalore and entire responsibility was on our shoulders.  Akka used to come as frequently as possible since, she was also working. Stress levels were up and I was handling this fellow almost on a war footing!!  He was very active and grabbed maximum attention possible. We enjoyed our life outside Bangalore visiting some good places and our deep connection with Kanchana also developed. We had good times in Mangalore except for some unwanted exploration of spirituality and illusory chasing of unknown worlds, at the cost of family. 

In between, another star was born in our little family and this curly little fella slipped into her lap as a god given treasure.  This treasure never wanted to leave his Amma and always tucked in her pallu.  He brought lots of cheers to all of us and enough maturity dawned on us with past experience in parenting. Chinmaya got his best present at very early age and this was a good turning point for the family to move on.

We moved to Mysore after three years in Mangalore and family life is now set with our past experience of handling things independently. The main idea of going to Mysore was to settle down and explore musical environment there.  It did not happen for various reasons beyond my control and again we moved out to Belgaum.  From there to Panaji and then back to Mangalore where we settled more or less.  Family settled down, but I got kicked out within a month’s time to Kozhikode. 

Veenu handled well the family affairs with my occasional week end interventions.  Back home in 2015 I steered the ship along with her and she started pursuing Yoga, Music more vigorously.  I always felt that she can do better, if she can balance things more wisely and allocate time for these pursuits.  However, due to her sensitive nature she found her way very late, in spite of resources and time for the same.  Made some good friends and developed more mature attitude towards vagaries of life slowly and started to get into the mode of a mature woman. 

Now, to conclude, I would say that she is the most important person in my life, who knows me very well and sometimes more than myself.  What I saw as a serious little girl back in 1970s has given me immense joy in terms of two wonderful KIDS and a deep perception of life through her musical abilities and perseverance.  I wish she would have accomplished many more things since I firmly believed that it was quite possible.  However, there is nothing to regret and we are destined to get what we deserve and not just desire.

This was my brief journey with her for the last 49 years and I wish to exuberantly continue for at least another 49, so that we can relive certain missed moments and cherish life as it is.  It was a great journey so far, which prevented me from going haywire with all my uncertain ideas and too much analytical mind. Life is a great leveler and so is my WIFE who grounded me unceremoniously and I am thankful for that !!.

I will stop here and WISH HER GOOD LUCK AND HEALTH & ABUNDANT JOYFULNESS in the coming 49.

 

MID CAREER TRAINING PROGRAM FOR IRS (DT) OFFICERS FROM 05092022 TO 30092022 at IIM LUCKNOW,

My solitary confinement at Kochi got extended to IIM Lucknow which included pursuit of academic excellence, heightened physical activity, new challenges in terms of adjusting to a younger crowd and listening to a sophisticated academia / intelligentia of IIM Profs, from 9.30 to 5.30 every day in Class room. All these were absent from our lives for quite long and it looked like a challenge, even though there was so many who took it as leisure activity.

Today, as the week came to an end, we had a Nature Walk conducted by Mr. Deepankur Saha, a Phd student in IIM, who is a bird watcher and avid Eco tourism planner in the making.  We went about five Kms away from Campus close to Gomti river, where there was huge marshy land with occasional ponds intercepting in between.  Close to every such water body, we could see several varieties of birds enjoying their morning adulations, and some even taking a quick dip into the water to catch tadpole/fish for a delicious morning breakfast.  

It was a pleasant 2.5 hours stride zig zagging the grassland and Deepankur gave us an insight into bird watching, their specific naming pattern, colours, habits - which we can also call as their attitude, making them very distinct for identification by birders.  Names like parakeets, lap winged birds, Jaghna, King fishers, Kothwal, kept on getting into our ears ritualistically.   Most of the names looked familiar but soon forgotten !!.  We were joined by an enthuastic Doctor Couple and two more specialist bird watchers from Lucknow town.  We slowly moved around the marshy patch of land prior to Gomti river front and this was far different from the river front artificially built in the City which we saw yesterday !!.  

There was a cool breeze all around and the sun showed up very gently and the atmosphere was inspiring for a deep contemplation. I had the good Company of Dr UK Dhrupati , an insightful IRS Officer from Odissa  and we moved on closer to different patches of land in search of new variety of birds. The movement was slow but steady and we could spot at least 10 to 12 varieties of birds, some small and big, extremely colourful & intricate, making pleasant noises and telling something in their own language.  The Lady accompanying the birder, was cautious and also picking some beautiful flowers from the pond.  She was actively suggesting her husband to look out for newer birdies hiding in the trees/bushes.  Seeing her interest in a variety of flowers, I got her a bunch of colourful flowers along with stem, which she gladly took to plant in her home.  Probably this sleek tube like plant got a new home now.

We had a good discussion on developing a hobby for elevating our own happiness to a subtler level and making it long lasting one, which does not depend always on an external object.  Dr. Karthik Drupathi is well read and knowledgeable person on these matters and it was a good conversation.

Now about CLASS ROOM TRIALS of First Week:

Week 1 started on Sunday 4th September, when we landed from Kochi by Indigo. We were pleasantly welcomed by Chiranjeevi in the reception and our rooms were neat and tidy.  We were explained about the facilities in Camp which included a good Gym, Swimming pool, lots of space for morning/evening walk and Yoga between 6 to 7. I made myself clear that I need to positively use the facility for upgrading my weakened body and raise spirits for my academic pursuits.

The first day, our morning session was on understanding IFRS enabled Financial Statements by Prof. Seshadev Sahoo, who is also the Programme Director of our MDP program.  He has an excellent domain knowledge and the session was interesting with practical anecdotes and we could study certain financial ratios peeking into accounts of several leading Corporates. There were good insights into financial statements of well known companies and their intricate terminology to hide/disclose financial issues from both Management and governance perspective. We could learn techniques of reading into statements and a good amount of management/accounting jargons and concepts were made clear for understanding financial statements better.

The second session was by Prof. Nishant Uppal, on an interesting subject of “Change and Conflict Management.  He kept us awake and laughing through out the afternoon, with his energetic movements and quick responses.  Not a single moment he allowed any slackness and the interactive session was very lively and interesting.  The subject was quite new to us, being a part of behavioural Management principles, and quite a good number of references were given for further reading.  We learnt new management words Upward delegation, Ambidexterity, Ash Conformity study, Classical conditioning / Associate Memory or social learning.  

The practical explanation and demonstration of heuristics and biases - Anchoring thought, Bounded rationality made us realise how lazy, stupid and perennially dissatisfied we are, in this materialistic world which runs the whole economy literally !!.  The tools used for breaking pattern, randomisation, Rig mender system (which consciously causes someone to remember something) , tail gating were fairly new to us.  In the exercise that followed, I found myself more into an Adult pattern, rather than Nurturing, Controlling and Child. By answering a set of questions, we can make out in which category we may fall in our relationship with others.

The flair of Management jargons slowly got into our heads quite easily, when some games were also made part of understanding the concepts of communication, leadership qualities, change management.  Most of it we don’t remember but it has gone into the woods, however making deep impressions on our personality and the way we think about conflict management.  The day ended with a positive note that we can keep ourselves busy in understanding new concepts in a different way.  IIM Profs have their own way of delivering the task to Tax Executives from different parts of India!!.

Next day, we had Prof. Ashutosh K Sinha, a seasoned Management professor with vast experience in a big corporate.  He was just reflecting the sentiments of a Vision and Mission statement for the department and made most of the answers coming from the participants.  He had a knack of putting across a point of view and solicit our indulgence into the deeper concepts. An interesting perspective about knowing others and competitors was presented.  He widely quoted from Management gurus and gave a reference to Chinese General Sun Tzu on his War strategy. If you know yourself and also others, you cannot be defeated in 100 battles; if you know yourself and not others, you may win one and lose one; but if you do not know others and do not know yourself, you will lose every time- by Tzu made good business sense even now.

We had some very pure economic perspectives by Prof. Debdatta Pal on Microeconomics of Taxation which included the concepts of Demand and supply, Factors of production, price elasticity theory.  He could well articulate the principles through graphic presentation of Free market and price floor concepts. The justification for taxation to cover up the Dead Weight loss was made evidently clear through these graphs.  This session was followed by Prof. Sabyasachi Sinha on Design Thinking and Innovation as a necessity and tool for product design.  

After brief explanation of concepts, we were busily engaged in developing a start up product for “elderly” and we had to actually take an interview over phone soliciting their view for a food product suitable for their age group.  We picked up “Puja ke baad Pet Puja” and a healthy recipe for elders after our team spoke to some seniors.  Difficult part was to get them on line and talk within 15 minutes.  It came out well due to persistence of our Lady Colleagues who could design an App as an interface between elders and Home made product manufactures and displayed them with miniature Idlies / dosa and of course a Chakli made by me using a cardboard cover of glass on my table !!  Other teams also presented product design for “Relaxa”, a proto type for use of elderly to take care of household needs and “Hum safar” – product/service for logistical nees of senior citizens.

Fourth day, there was an interesting Session on Financial flows and Structure Implications, by Prof.  Prakash Singh, which essentially highlighted on role and responsibility of Central Bank, regulators of various markets and government in general. We conceptualised the sectors relating to Investment Banking, Merchant Banking and learnt about fault lines of NPAs, Micro financing and Bond market.  The emphasis was on Populism v/s Viable Economic Policies and the implications of a Consumption economy. The Professor could effectively demonstrate the need of proper regulation and impact on growth.

The afternoon session was by Prof. Payal Mehra on Influence and Persuasion Communication.   She could very well relate to our predicaments which we normally face while communicating with younger generations. The communication has become more and more transactional and hence basic rules were detaile for handling.  Surprisingly, in our group the persons between 70s and 80s were missing while we had those born between 60 to 70 and later 80s. Professor was very adept & deep sighted while she could with dexterity gave tips for handling an adamant assessee as well as handling a tough boss.  Saying no and remaining in control in our relationship with others, was very interestingly presented.

The last day went off very quickly with Prof. Prakash V Atilli on Information, Cyber risk assessment.  The session generally covered a wide variety of topics including, some insights into biggest data breaches seen in Face book, Aadhar, Wannacry – ransomware etc., We were made aware of concepts relating to Confidentiality, Integrity, Availability (CIA-AAAA) and threat modelling principles of Microsoft was contextually well explained.   Being last day of week, we couldn’t make best use of the session, being highly technical in nature.

The final session for the week was by Dr. Saugata Bhattacharya, Chief Economist of Axis Bank, who flew from Mumbai to teach us, the Global Macro Economic Outlook and its impact on India.  The Professor is found to be highly experienced in this field and could very well relate Macroeconomic perspectives of Global economy and its impact on Indian Economy.  There was a detailed analysis of Key factors of World Economy covering relative statistics for various economies and their implication in long run.  

There was also an interesting and varied discussion about Green bonds getting prominence in future, Regulation and challenges of Cryptos vis-a-vis stable cryptos - Libra and prospects of Semi conductors in global market.  He patiently explained the concepts and it was quite deep to get into the subject, being a highly specialised area.  My old passion for the Applied Economics during undergraduate studies got re-kindled and it kind of freshened up my mind.

In retrospect, I can confidently say that we had a fruitful stay during the first week and hope it remains same for the rest of three weeks.(s.srinivas@incometax.gov.in / ssvas1966@gmail.com)