ANNUAL PERFORMANCE 2023-24

Exactly one year before, on this day, I got complete freedom from my Official routine.  It’s an inevitable task for a bureaucrat to write his Annual Self-Appraisal, which I have been doing for last 36 years.  In order not to break this age-old tradition, I thought I make a Self-appraisal for myself.  Till now, it was for my bosses and now I am my own Boss!!

What did I do during the last one year???   A big question to answer since its difficult to comprehend.  Everyone thinks that the retired life is boring and nothing much to do since you are not going to Office.  On the contrary, since we are not going to Office, there are many things to do 24x7 for 365 days in a year (we have a bonus day this year) even by staying at Home. 

Of course, the first few months are very difficult if you are not prepared for it.  As days go on, you get a sense of being looked down in the Society as we are no more useful as much as we were in the Department!!  A false notion of being helpful in future (kabhi kaam ayega - feeling) is removed suddenly from the minds of your acquittance’s and you can see the difference in their behaviour.  This usually kept our egos on High and we slowly need to come out of this after retirement.  To adjust to such a situation took some time for me also.  This is true for both family acquittance’s and friends more or less equally. 

Immediately, on flying back from Kochi to Mangalore with Veenu on 1^st April, 2023, I felt all my chains are removed and now I am a free bird.  But soon I also realized that the strength to fly has also been curtailed significantly.  My new role as a house husband commenced with lots of luv from my children and wife.  I enjoyed being around all the time and be helpful in whatever way I can.  I believe that Veenu got some relief and boost for her own passions to spend time for. 

The very first thing which I thought of is to Study a few things to keep me occupied.  Health being my very subject of interest, I discussed with my family Doctor friend for guidance to take up studies more comprehensively. Incidentally, there was a Homeo Conference in Davanagere and I grabbed this opportunity to meet some very rare Classical Homeopaths, thanks to my Homeo tutor Dr.Rangarajan. 

The case studies discussed in the Conference showed unique capabilities of Homeopathy in some unchartered areas of Health.  Particularly, the cases relating Psychiatric issues handled by a renowned Homeopath from Mangalore caught my attention and it was a revelation.

Two days I was in the midst of some people who are committed to Homeo Practice in a very classical and rustic way.  There were a few family practitioners in rural areas of North Karnataka who did not even look like a formal Doctor, but cured cases from Jaundice to infertility.  One guy sitting next to me looked like a farmer and I was amazed to see his accomplishments in this field for last 30 years.  He virtually inherited the knowledge from his father well known as “Gulige Siddappa”, Doctor who gives white pills. 

I also met a few distinguished Doctors and also one Muslim saint who patronaged Homeo since the days of late Dr Megharajan,  my inspiration for learning Homeo.  It was a over all great experience giving a sense of purpose and direction to my retired life.

In due course of the year, I took up certain courses relating to Bach Therapy, Naturopathy and my qualifications now look like this!!!

Dr. S Srinivas. DEHM, B.Com., L.Lb, Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine, Bach Flower Therapist RMP, Indian Board of Alternative Medicines, Kolkata 700 020 (Regn No. IBAM/RMP/A-31049), ## 2-15-1311/1, Minerva Apartments, Bejai Kapikad, Mangalore 575004

Certificate Courses: 

Master of Bach Flower Therapy (Udemy), Diploma in Electro Homeopathy,

Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine Advanced Diploma, 

Fully Accredited Certificate in Homeopathy (Cert. Hom), Foundation Practitioner Certificate, Homeopathy & Homeopathic Medicine, Bach Flower remedies (Full Course),

Yoga Instructors Course from S-Vyasa, Bangalore.

My complete resume after the above courses, is uploaded here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EMxmi-wgfVvnvdOfa0dDtLTHYjxeolsw/edit?usp=drive_link&ouid=107498890038345390316&rtpof=true&sd=true

            Once I came back from Homeo Conference, what next was the big question.  Happily, continued my Vedanthic Studies and I recollected my encounter with a Young Yogi from Sivananda whom I met in Yoga Instructor’s Course at S-Vyasa during 2015.  I had also attended a Yoga Vacation at Sivananda Ashram, Neyyar, Kerala during 2022 and understood that an ounce of practice is far better than tonnes of wisdom.  This has kindled my interest in learning Vedantha in a more structured way.

In order to pursue study with contemplation so as to be able to internalise what we have studied, I ended up joining a two months’ residential "Yoga and Vedantha" Course at YVFA, Sivananda Ashrama, Hrishikesh.  There was a detailed application process for the course, followed by an interview which delineated about my interests and back ground check.  They even ascertained as to why I took VRS and whether family is Ok with my absence for two months!!!    No charges are sought from candidates and only a commitment of their time and effort is required in this divine pursuit.

The Anushtana Sahitha Swadhyaya for 63 days had a deep impact on my understanding concepts from Scriptures and gave me a life time experience/exposure to Vedantha.  Swamy Padmanabhananda Saraswathy’s classes on Patanjala Yoga Sutras, Sivananda teachings by Swami Poorna Bodhanandaji,  Swamy Deva Bhakthananda ji’s Narada Bhakthi Sutras and Yoga sessions, Upanishadic studies, Bhagavadgeethe, Karma Yoga with Swamy  Shivabhakthanandaji, Chanting classes of Bhajan/Bhojan Swamaiji, Indian and Western Philosophy classes of Prof Kanchan Mataji, Hard Problems of Vedhantha by Prof.Nataraju, all kept us busy for the entire session. 

The schedule of the day started at around 3.30 am and till 7.30 pm in the evening and followed by Satsangs in the evening. This was a great divine experience in the foot hills of Himalayas.   We had occasion to roam around Hrishikesh, Badarinath and near by places including Swami Rama’s Himalayan Institute of Yogic Sciences, Vasishta Guha, ancient temple of Veera Bhadra etc., The overall experience is in explicable and I could say that ten years of self-studies did not match the rich perspective we received in these two months.

I also wrote a brief summary feed back of the course which is available at:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a371bnLzEh-KRGQhYECMeT0Zo0ne9C6y/edit?usp=drive_link&ouid=107498890038345390316&rtpof=true&sd=true

Back from Sivananda, I felt like a new person and my Grihasthashrama rolled on towards Vanaprastha slowly.  Veenu needed some assistance in her M.Sc (Yoga) and gladly I kept myself busy with it. It was another learning experience with academics with Wife!!! Meanwhile, I wanted to pursue Vedanthic studies and sought some guidance from Religious Gurus.  When I first met Swamiji at Hariharapura and sought his guidance as to what can I do further.  After discussion, Swamiji suggested me to do one lakh Japa and come back for further guidance. 

This was also the suggestion of HH Padmanabhanandha Saraswathi of Sivananda.  He wanted me to study Bhagavatha and accordingly, I dived deep into available material.  Though I had read this earlier, it was different this time and I could relate my understanding of Upanisads with the Bhagavatha Purana.  It was a new experience of the Bhakthi Marga and I finally felt that Gyana is leading me slowly towards Bhakthi.

The above experience also led me to take up MA (Philosophy) from IGNOU for knowing academic part of Vedantha.  I had the chance to attend a week long retreat at Arsha Vidya Gurukulam, Coimbatore and got an opportunity to learn Mundaka Upanishad which is incidentally meant for a Vanaprasthy.  The concepts were very deep and satisfying, more so because Veenu was there with me this time.

This long journey almost ended with my week long stay at Anandashram, Kanhangad wherein the power of Ram Nam Japa is felt.  The clutter of knowledge got released with divine practice of Ram naam which made me remember our chanting classes with Bhajan Swamy and Devabhakthanandaji Maharaj.  The peaceful and serene atmosphere was soul filling and I felt refreshed out of all the “Gyan” accumulated so far. This appears to be right way to end our pursuit of knowledge and rest in peace, for the year !!!.

The year ended with a kind of Solitary confinement which I did not actually anticipate.  In Feb.2024, Veenu proceeded on a long sojourn for five months to BSY for a Yoga Chakra Experience and this left me High and dry.   I planned something for my childhood dream of learning music and strangely, I had fallen in love with Harmonium at Anandashram Bhajan sessions. Quickly I found out a teacher in Vidya Bhavan and bought “Hermione” to forget the absence of my better half.  This was also a kind of tribute to my “Amma” who had learnt Harmonium.  Its quite fascinating to play notes and already I learnt how to play “Om Shri ram Jai Ram, Jai Jai Ram Om”.

My appraisal is required to be evaluated by myself now and I would give 10 out of 10 for the performance in the form of pursuits of life, which I could not even dream of during my official life.  I feel more enriched now and looking forward for a fresh start next year. Now its time to submit this Self Appraisal, to my Home Boss-Veenu for her grading.!!! 

 

 

MY QUEST WITH LIFE

It was a simple thought which made me start writing….. 

I was just walking across the Calicut beach after witnessing a music-orchestra programme on the sands of a lovely beach, next door is the quarters, a very beautiful location to be.  It is a long forgotten habbit of penning down (now keying in) of thoughts into a written form.  I used to do a lot of introspection and all the jumbled thoughts, stirred emotions used to come out as my diary entries on those painful / eventful / thought proving days generally followed by a long lonely walk after a afternoon nap and rest at home.  It was also on some special occasions when I had encounters with persons, situations and places on my cycle/journey.  I thought I can pen down again a few instances/thoughts on a regular basis (as usual a “sankalp” of the past which I never able to maintain).  With the speed of typing I have and unnatural thought flow which may take me any direction would cause distress/diversion among readers, if any.  However, it would lessen my burden of lonely thoughts taking the shape of words/phrases/anecdotes which I am sure would be funny enough to read after lapse of time.

On promotion visit to Kochi:

 All this started on 13^th May, 2013 when I was on a long family holiday trip at Bangalore.  After landing at Bangalore, a surprise/not so pleasant news came that I got promoted and had to join new office at Kochi latest by 20^th May, 2013.  I had to curtail my leave and rush to Kochi.  My first official visit to the state of Kerala !!!  I had to literally find my way into the IT Office at IS Press road and the taxi driver had difficulty in understanding the place where I have to go.  I had to take the help of my dear colleague/friend Sajit and make him speak over phone to get to the place.  

After getting into the unknown office, I had to manage my luggage straight into the PRO’s chamber and seek to know my further actions.  Luckily, I found a very pleasant gentleman by name Mr.Omprasad Menon who warmly greeted me and also offered a cup of tea in the morning.  The practice in Kerala office was unknown to me and it was a strange feeling.  Everybody kept upto themselves and I had no way to get to known things as I could understand very little Malayalam.  In an alien place, somehow I had to manage things.  After spending a day or two, I was fully convinced that I had to get used to be independently aloof doing my things myself only.  I got the good company of one more Malayalee who was promoted with me and came all the way from Ahmedabad to Kerala.  I later realized the warmth of this affectionate lady who became our OJT partner in Gujarath and also Editor of newslettler in which I was nominated as Technical Editor.  

With Sajit:

I spent about one week with my dear friend Sajit at a place called Alwaye (Aluva) very near to Kochi.  In the absence of any specific thing to do (as I was OSD – Officer without any duty is known as Officer on Special Duty).  I used to have long discussions / verbal duel with Sajit who is a very active thinker and stickler to idealistic views.  His impressive life encounters and experience level left me spell bound and highly charged with ideas.  Though I knew about him for quite some time, this one-to-one encounter was enthralling.  The discussions were really fascinating ranging from Income tax to environment, use of plastic, ethics in administration, little of poltics, brahminism in Kerala and Naxals ideology…. And what not ?   A huge range of topics for talking with this lonely fighter which continued upto late nights.  He had several experiences to enrich my own little knowledge of life, simply elevated my own spirits high and dry sometimes. I had a lonely journey on his bike to Kaladi, birth place of Sri Adi Sankaracharya.  I explored the rivers, temples, ashrams (branch of Belur math) enroute and it was fulfilling my quest for experiencing new things in a very different way. What an amazing person this is !!  whole life experience bundled into one human being, his thoughts are so provocative and make you think deeper than what we generally do.  He can change minds, ignite passion and the course of life is different.

Commencement of a long lonely journey – training of mind and body:

This short experience of being / doing things alone, was only the beginning of a long / lonely journey ahead for me.  Very quickly, I came back to join family and sighed a long relief which was actually shortlived.  I had to make another trip to Kochi to get my posting order to Kozhikode.  Here again, I could go for only one day and later shunted to Nagpur, in Maharashtra for a 10 week training programme which included six weeks training at NADT, two weeks OJT at Ahmedabad, one week Bharath Darshan including visit to Chandigarh, Amritsar. Vaishnodevi, Srinagar and back at NDT followed by one week study tour at Malaysia enroute Singapore.  I must necessarily deal with happenings at this 10 week long programme separately.  

On 16^th June, 2013 I set foot for Nagpur from Mangalore.  Mymind was fully occupied with anticipation about our programme and I even forgot to bid farewell to Chinmaya when I entered the airport.  I had to come back and talk to him over phone when I realized that he must be deeply hurt.  Un intentionally I made him unhappy.  This is an indication for me that I would get deeply involved in something forgetting my surroundings.  This is per se not a bad habbit, but one need to know what is happening around. To be able to comprehend others feelings about our words actions is utmost necessary in life, for a cordial and well meaning relationships. 

 First few days of training were not so eventful as everybody was settling down to the new regime of strict disciplined trainee-life.  The faculty was quite stubborn and sometimes teasing type pinpointing every small mistake.  No doubt, most of us are not used to be punctual/prompt in their office places and it is difficult to change overnight, which was reflecting in our attitude.  We got slowly used to the expectations of the faculty.  I had lot of expectations about the quality stuff and value addition to our technical abilities.   It did not take long enough to understand that there is no serious effort in increasing our technical abilities.  

There was some conscious effort to make us more Officer like and sermons like .. now you are IRS, behave like a Class and not mass, Officer like behavior.  All this was due to an impression that we need to know that we are elevated and hence our responsibilities also increase.  A false sense of pride was also made inevitable due to the nature of higher responsibilities to be shoulder.  May be that the difference between a Direct recruit IRS and promote was apparent and we had to be sermonized to get out of our timid nature.  At the same time, we as trainees could not protest, revolt and question the authority / hierarchy.  It appeared to be an effort to subdue our independence and at the same time make us understand that we need to follow hierarchy.  

All had a purpose !!!.  We were about 120 and everyone is brilliant in his own sense.  We had several post graduates, P Hds, literarures who have penned quite a few literature.  There were some environmental activists, political/literary brains, artists and very fine personalities.  It took quite some time to gel with each member, and I am not confident that all the 120 could understand each other very clearly.  We had two different sections and most of our interactions had to be limited due to paucity of time and assignments.  There were week end outbound programs where we got opportunity to know eachother at close quarters.  

Encounter with Amte family:

As part of outbound programme, we were taken to Anandvan. This is where I got the opportunity to visit the work place of Baba Amte “Anandvan” where innumerable number of Leprocy patients found solace and earned their lost self esteem for decades.  It was a revelation to us and inspiration to witness the humanitarian work in this great social cause.  Here we also came to know that his second son Mr.Prakash Amte is serving tribal people in a remote place called Hemalkasa.  I was again fortunate to be in the Company of one Mr.Ravi Mehrotra, a nature enthusiast who arranged for an interview with Prakash Amte.  After talking to this great soul for two hours, we were fully convinced that we are missing something, if we do not visit Hemalkasa.  I had written a separate travelogue on Hemalkasa and hence I may refrain from repeating the same.

Back in NADT:

In class room, with colleagues I was finding very difficult to gel well.  Many times I was avoiding interaction and had some feeling of remorse/haunting aloofness.  It was a kind of detachment with which I started looking at things for quite some time.  I enjoyed the facilities, Gym, fantastic Swimming, library and the serene atmosphere, with all the restrictions of timings.  Some of the sessions were extremely good.  One monk – Swamy….. from Belur math took session on stress management/ethics in public governance. It was a revelation from a spiritual point of view as to how we can serve public by a proper attitude to life. Another very interesting session was by one serving Addl.CIT Mr. N Jayasankar on Economics.   It was more of a practical philosophy of life imbibed into economic principles.  Very few of us could take the enormous ideas, view points and information given and still few got connected with his ideas. Brilliant officer with outstanding oratory abilities and bright life ideas, but appear to be little disillusioned with the system.  I had a very fruitful discussion / email exchange with this brilliant  soul who is capable of igniting the minds.  One of the very lucky things to happen in NADT is this engaging session of Jaysankar. At one point of time, I forgot myself and all that I could perceive is his presence and flow of ideas.  I could only see the bridge he has built to reach US and everything melted away.  An experience of this kind was only a beginning, it appears.

I may continue later.

18-09-2013, Kozhikode.

Further at NADT:

I had several occasions for a deep introspection and without any such conscious effort on the part of NADT, this all happened.  Emergence of situations appears to be inevitable when so many busy souls are put together for considerable period.  In one of the classes regarding Etiquettes and behavior for Officers, there was a mild scuffle.  Five of us were called to the front and the class was asked to evaluate us in terms of our dress, manners, outlook, etc.,  Many of our enthusiastic class mates were trying to find out the deficiencies in our attire and impress the faculty.  It all looked like certain preconceived ideas of the faculty were given expression by the class.  She was having a strong bent of mind to show the class as to how we should not dress, how we should not stand, how we should look like.  One by one analysis made each of our defects being demonstrated.  

One person did not wear colour socks, another was with a fashionable shirt, another did not put on the button (on a previous occasion) and it was my turn at the end.  When the class started analyzing, I started showing the parts earlier found to be incorrect.  There was nothing for the class except about my beard.  The faculty started telling as to how she mend the ways of an Inspector who used to come unshaven to the Office.  I unintentionally lost my cool and interrupted saying that “I would simply resign, if there is a compulsion for shaving to be an Officer”.  One class mate came to my support saying that it is trimmed if not shaven and there is nothing wrong.  Amazed by my answer, she asked me as to whether there is any specific reason.  I had to tell her that for the past 23 years I have not neatly shaven and there is no specific reason for that.  It is only my personal liberty which is most important than anything in life.  I think the class/faculty was taken aback by my utterances.  Some of my dear colleagues asked me why I should resign and to take things cool.  I actually did not feel any discomfort and it was in vain to explain that.  Several people were happy that I have given the right reaction.  I myself felt that I could have exercised restraint and given more appropriate response by asking reasons for such an idea of clean shaven people for Officers like beings.  I really missed the chance.

I used to go for a walk daily with Mr.Sundarkumar.  he is such a prompt fellow that daily I get a call at about 6 to 6.15.  we used to have lot of discussions/arguments on variety of topics. After my another encounter with a faculty, he is the one who made me realize that I am emotionally charged at occasions and I had to regret later.  I confessed that it is known to me and I am trying to overcome the same.  It is deep routed in my character to get disturbed and come out in open confrontation.    

After two weeks of hectic OJT and one week of BharathDarshan coveing places like Chandigarh, Amritsar, Vaishnodevi, Jammu, Srinagar etc., we were back at NADT to prepare ourselves for foreign attachment.  Whole of the week was unproductive “bhagh doud” due to inefficient handling of matters by administration.  Everything was a mystery and we had no clue as to what is happening on a minute minute basis.  There were only hearsays, rumours and no specific information.  One question asked by me about what is going to happen in foreign attachment raised lot of eye brows.  There was no itinery, no plan for such an important event till last moment. Confusion about travel, currency, passport, visa etc., was abundant and our people were also not very organized to handle the situations.  

One such evening, (after a hectic night long wait at the office till 2 in the morning) we were asked to assemble for a photo session rehearsal at auditorium.  Some of us were sick, tensed about pending preparations etc., and we were made to sit for more than an hour without knowing as to why we were called.  It was a simple dress ceremony of coming out of auditorium and standing for photo session with Member.  When the faculty did not turn up for a long time, nobody bothered to find out why.  When she came atlast to tell a few words, I felt annoyed asto why we are so unprofessional.  When we went outside, I straight went to her and asked (this time very plainly) “Madam, why we were asked to come at 5.30 and made to wait for such a simple instruction?  She did not expect being questioned but had no other answer but to say “I am sorry”  I told her that many of us are not keeping well, had to prepare for next tour, and why waste of our time and energy at this point of time.  She had to say sorry and I said, you should feel sorry and we do not carry any good memories of NADT if this is so.  Many of our colleagues were also taken aback and I could see Ganesh waiving furiously to calm down and give up. I just said what I wanted to say and went away.  

Again on the next day, many were querying about my words with faculty and most of them agreed that this was not correct on her part to make us wait for no reason.  Everybody remembered as to how we were treated for delays of one -  two minute for the class and humiliation of clapping, threat of wearing funny caps etc.,  this was also an experience for me as to how to handle things in a better way instead of direct confrontation which hurts sentiments on either side.

OJT at Ahmedabad:

This was one of the most relaxing experiences of training programme.  We had good experiences though not very useful academically.  On the very first week we went to Mount Abu and it was an enchanting experience at Gurushikhar – top most point of Abu.  A night’s stay would have made a lot of difference in this picturesque place.  I had the opportunity of interacting with people like Narayanan Varikessery, P Srinivas, Hema bhupal, Gowthami, Brinda, Sheiba, GD Sharma, Sreedevi, Iswarlal Patel, Rajsingh meel, Aravind Gehlot, Sanjay singh…… very long list.

 

 

Dwaraka

 

Amritsar-wagah border

 

Vaishnodevi

 

Srinagar

 

Foreign attachment

 

Back to work - Kozhikode:

 

 

 

 

A few fantastic experices-